Thursday’s 13: Twain on Church and Politics . . . Maybe.

EASY AS A, B, C . . . from BB

I know Mark Twain was fond of tweaking politicians and self-righteous church-goers, so that got me to wondering about some of his other quotes. Other? Well, maybe . . . maybe not:

  1. I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
  2. In Statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
  3. Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.
  4. It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
  5. Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain’t that a big enough majority in any town?
  6. It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
  7. It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them.
  8. In Boston, they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents?
  9. The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
  10. Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.
  11. There warn’t anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn’t any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it’s cool. If you notice, most folks don’t go to church only when they’ve got to; but a      hog is different.
  12. Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. (Inscription beneath [Twain’s] bust in the Hall of Fame.
  13. GO VOTE ANYWAY ! ! ! (Not attributed to Mark Twain!)

Found in Bartlett, John. Familiar Quotations. Boston: Little, Brown and Co., 1955.

See you day-after-tomorrow for “Saturday’s Softcover”

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