Thursday’s 13: “Never the Twain Shall Meet”

Easy as A, B, C . . . from BB

Well, we can’t meet “THE” Twain—Mark Twain, that is. But at least we can still hear his voice:

  1. A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
  2. They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
  3. I was gratified to be able to answer promptly; and I did. I said I didn’t know.
  4. The educated Southerner has no use for an r, except at the beginning of a word.
  5. The Northern word “guess”—imported from England, where it used to be common, and now regarded by satirical Englishmen as a Yankee original—is but little used by Southerners. They say “reckon.”
  6. War talk by men who have been to a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.
  7. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
  8. Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR.
  9. An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar.
  10. Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
  11. Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it.
  12. One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
  13. When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

See you day-after-tomorrow for “Saturday’s Softcover”!


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